A true tale of an outburst of anger and a lesson in stress management

Today I found out a little more about myself - about how stress affects me and the internal dialogue that transpires....

It was a busy day at work today, without my trusted aides Kek and Ee around. Throughout the day, I had a constant stream of colleagues stopping by at my humble door-less cubicle. Apart from just one guy who actually stopped by for a friendly chat, everyone one else who came or called wanted something to be done.

Now, all this was not without detriment to my own work. I was working on a 3 page checklist for an upcoming online meeting with my overseas counterpart (or rather, boss). What normally took me an hour to finish took me FOUR hours to complete. Nearing the end of the day, I was quite stressed out and unintentionally lambasted another colleague of mine who just happened to cross my path.

At the end of the day, leaving for home (at ~9pm), I thought over the events that had transpired today, how I felt and how I had acted. I realized that I had over-reacted and was wrong in my actions. Along the drive home, I made a silent emotional decision (silent as there was no one in my car to hear it anyway) to apologize to her first thing tomorrow morning when I came to work.

Side issue - halfway home, there was a car that came really close from behind. Tailgating was supposed to be a traffic offense, but unfortunately there was no one around to enforce this law. Almost certainly in the past, I would floor the accelerator and let the fellow eat my dust (or maybe not, since I had no idea what car was behind me). This would have resulted in two cars speeding through the poorly lit streets ahead, a risky affair that would continue until either one of us disengaged (or took opposing paths at a junction or fork). However, my brief by meaningful experiences on the tarmac of the Sepang F1 Circuit and the twisty Batu Gajah track have thought me just how close we can come to losing control when driving in an aggressive manner.

However, as I know now that the streets are not the place for racing, and the road up ahead was dark and under heavy construction, I did something different this time. I maintained my speed and kept close to the road shoulder to let the guy pass. Though, even at moderate speeds, it took him quite a long time to overtake me, so I took my foot off the gas so that he would be forced to swerve into my lane when an oncoming car approached. It was a silver Proton Waja, with a dented bumper and one of those Mugen-style rear spoilers that was as out of place as a Kangaroo in Antartica. Anyway, immediately after the offensive driver was ahead, I noticed that I was now calmer and peaceful. My pulse was beating normally, instead of jumping wildly. Why? It's because I no longer had a mad driver with a risk of collision at my rear end. 10 seconds was all it took to transform this stressful condition. I reflected upon my decision and noted the change in my mind, body and heart.

When I got home, I "upgraded" my earlier decision and gave my friend a call, even before I got out of my car.

An old friend and colleague, I was glad that she understood my predicament and heartily accepted my apology. Over the phone, I managed to get a clearer picture about the issue which cause the enormous ruckus. Practicing crystal clear communication from the start would have avoided my earlier outburst, as I would have understood the situation better and responded differently.

Well, when I hung up, I was happy that we were still friends, and I was lucky to have such an understanding friend who was unfazed by my brazen behavior.

From the episode today, I remember the lessons learned from various mentors, including my GM and the Chief Master Trainer:-

1. Don't take things personally. Nothing people do or say is because of you. No need to get emotionally tangled up in matters. Applies to the seemingly endless stream of colleagues coming to me for help.

2. I have to change before change happens. Doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting different results is insane. Do something different and look for the response. By doing something that I have never done when encountering a mad tailgater, I found a better way of dealing with a frequent stressful situation.

3. Make a silent emotional decision to do something, and go ahead and do it! I made up my mind to call my friend. Didn't need to tell anyone about it. Just had to pick up the phone and dial.

4. Crystal clear communication can help to avoid unwanted situations. Don't make assumptions. If I had calmed down and sized up the situation before jumping to conclusions, I would not have acted in this manner to put off my old friend.

Well, the story above is real and unscripted (of course, I have removed references by name, but you may be able to guess if you have a high enough degree of awareness). I just write about it as it happened, and would like to share these lessons that I have learned. Hopefully that has added value to you reading this in some way....

Farewell to Ee WC

Forgive me for the lack of variety on the subject matters of my posts. Lately, there seems to be a domino effect that results in a chain of events faster than I can think of some "non-related" events to write about....

Last Friday, I shook hands with my engineer, Ee Woei Chang. A move that is becoming well-rehearsed and almost instinctive, due to the amount of practice I've had in the past few days. Not surprisingly, young and vibrant individuals rarely find themselves without options - and as fate would have it, Ee did indeed have an ace up his sleeves.

As of this moment, I only know that he will be going to "KL" (which more often than once turns out to be somewhere in Selangor).

Thus, last week, we had a small farewell dinner, inviting along some of the former Engineers who once served under the banner of our department. Here we are, against a totally unrelated backdrop depicting the "Legend of the Barcelos Cockerel" (no prizes for guessing where this is). Due to the fact that our dinner was smack in the middle of the week (last-minute change of plan), it was not possible to extend our invitation to other members of the ever-growing "Ex-PD" group, as some of us really did go to "KL" and start a new career. Anyway, we managed to get Sean (seasoned Engineer), Kek (fresh out of the company) and Tai (who came also with Kelvin, not in the picture as he was holding the camera).

L-R (back row) : Asri, Zul, Ee (the VIP), Kek, Sean
L-R (seated) : Me, Yan + daughter, Juliyana and Tai

Actually, there is another (person leaving). Can you guess who it is? If you have no clue, don't worry, as you will ready about it at the beginning of next month.... :)

Well, tomorrow, I start another day in the office with less one man on board. Ee was with us for just over a year, but in this brief span of time has contributed immensely to our department goals and efforts. It was great having him on board, and so, like the others before him, I sadly close yet another chapter in our department's story....

Farewell to Boon GC

Sigh. I was just lamenting on how often I had to shake hands and say goodbye to my colleagues - today I got yet another chance to perfect my technique....

Boon Gaik Chu was a quiet and reserved lady, for as long as I can remember knowing her. So it came as no surprise that her decision to move to greener pastures was devoid of much "hoo-hah". It almost slipped my mind that today was her last working day (knowledge of this came to me through mostly unofficial channels, so the validity and accuracy of my sources left much room for improvement. Luckily, for this particular instance, my sources were spot on). Rushing back to our common office block from a really long meeting that held me up way past the official working hours, I was fortunate enough to find her just packing her things, logging off from her PC for the very last time....

As usual, she greeted me with a smile. Not uncommon coming from Boon, who, in spite of the rigors and challenges of daily working life, somehow always manages to put up a bright and cheery front. Where does her future lie? That's still a mystery to me. However, wherever she may go, given her diligence and great working attitude, I know that she will certainly go far (up the ladder, not far away).


In the rush to say goodbye, I did not manage to snap off a parting shot. So, I have here an older photo taken some time ago (actually, she still looks pretty much the same, albeit with a change in hairdo).

Well, my friend, Aloha ʻoe, until we meet again....

To Ipoh to meet Sayalay Dipankara

Lately, I've been using up my vacation entitlements. No, it's not for attending job interviews. Most of the time, it's due to the existing corporate top-down directive to take "short work week", which sort of helps clear annual leave balance by the end of the year (that's when annual leave "zerorization" occurs). This time though, I took a half day off plus the weekend to bring my family to Ipoh, for a rare chance to meet up with the great meditation teacher, Sayalay Dipankara (more information on here over at : http://www.cakkavala.org/SayalayDipankara.htm and http://www.bodhikusuma.com/metta/sayalay_dipankara.html)

This was a memorable occasion for us, as it was the first time that Charmaine would be traveling in a car for such a long journey. Setting off on a full tank of gas, we arrived at our destination some 5 hours later (adhering strictly to the legal limits, though I feel that I was the only driver that was doing so). Hah, Charmaine was quite excited, as she did not sleep at all through the journey. Consolation though is that she slept soundly all through the night...! :)

Wasn't any time to go sightseeing. We just managed to have a quick dinner at the Yishen Vegetarian Restaurant (co-ordinates N 04°35.932' E101°07.186') and put up a night at the Heritage Hotel. Incidentally, the Heritage Hotel underground car park does not have an elevator leading to the lobby, only stairs. If you have any elderly or disabled passengers, do drop them off at the front entrance before parking your car.

Anyway, the next day, I GPS-ed the way to the Pureland temple (that's what you have to type to find it on the map - actual name of Po Re Yan did not turn up on my Garmin Nuvi 300). Typical for temples in Ipoh, this one was built right up against a limestone mountain (some temples here were actually built INTO the mountains). Quite a distance off the main road (look for the sign that says "Taman Saikat"), it was quiet enough to serve as a serene mediation center to yogis.

We managed to meet up with the revered Sayalay Dipankara briefly after the yogis has their meal time, and made some offerings of dana. It was too dark to get a decent photo with my Lumix FX520 though. For occasions like these, I'd need my DSLR and sub F2.0 lens. By then, it was noon, so we had our lunch before setting off on our journey back home. Didn't want to leave too late, as that would have meant arriving late in the evening after sundown.

Just for reference and info, spending 90% of the time on the highway, my Vios (previous generation model, not the current one that looks like a "Dugong") managed to clock 620km on one full tank of BHP 95. This is with a full load of 5 adults + 1 child (and the trunk was full as well).

Well, for those of you who are interested, there will be a 10-Day Meditation Retreat by Sayalay Dipankara in Butterworth, Penang, Malaysia from 16 to 25 December, 2009. Do contact them at the Cakkavala Meditation Center (Website is http://www.cakkavala.org/index.htm) if you wish to sign up. Depending on circumstances, I may sign up too, as it would be a pity to pass up such a golden opportunity to progress in one's meditation abilities....

Farewell to Audra

In the limited time that I have to indulge in one of my former favorite past-times (that is, writing), I choose to give priority to matters that mean the most to me. Friends rank amongst the highest, so I'll take this opportunity to bid a fond farewell to (yet another) colleague.

Now, it is a common misconception that only people from my department are leaving the company in droves like Israelites out of Egypt (during the Biblical times, that is). Last Friday I took the opportunity to go down to HR to say goodbye to Audra for being a valuable member of the team, as well as true friend, since she joined the company a little over a year ago.

In my impromptu "exit interview", Audra expressed that she would be taking some time off from working life to spend some quality time with her family, before seeking employment again perhaps early next year. Which is a great idea, that serves as a reminder to us all that family is one of the big, important "stones" in our life that we should put in our "jar" first.

Well, best wishes to Audra, with hopes that a bright future lies ahead for her and her family....

My FD2 "hospitalized"....

As mentioned earlier, I checked my FD2 into the Honda SC in Muar, Mr Lee later confirmed with me that the sound was definitely coming from my 3 year old K20Z2, with just under 40,000 k's on the clock.

Describing the troubleshooting procedure to me, I caught on that they'd have to remove the oil pan and peer inside first. If that turned up empty, they'll proceed with the 2nd block. Ha, ha. Never thought my engine would be taken apart in its lifetime....

The night before, I took my car round for a spin, for what I anticipate to be our last ride together for a long, long time. Once the revs rise, there's no tell tale sign of engine trouble. Only during idling and the first few moments of acceleration from standstill does the soft but sure "tak-tak-tak" whisper to me. Don't want to be caught dead in the middle of the road like the guy from Initial D when challenging the Evo (thought that would add a bit of drama to the story). Plus, delays would inevitably result in more damage and higher repair cost, not to mention a higher risk to me and my passenger(s)!

Side issue, while taking the roundabout at MITC (the smaller one with nothing in the middle), the car in front of me nearly "merged" with the car in front of it (looks like a near miss of inches). Luckily, trailing from a safe distance, I swerved to avoid the two (who were at that moment stopped right in the middle of the road, still on the roundabout). Even so, missed the nearest car by a foot. Accidents can happen in spite of our best driving practices, so we should always drive in a manner that would allow us to respond to a dangerous situation. Or, as my dear father advises, "assume all other drivers on the road are 'incompetent'". 'Incompetent' wasn't exactly the word he used (though it has a very close meaning), but let's use it to avoid offending anyone reading this....

Well, just out of interest, I'll be counting the days till my ride is up and running once again. I'm curious to know how speedy (or slow) Honda is when it comes to fixing cars. As my experience with the team at this service center has been nothing else but commendable, I reckon that the major bottlenecks would be a) the time to isolate the actual root cause of the problem and b) ordering spare parts (hopefully, not all the way from Japan!). The first one could be quite fast, having more or less isolated it to the engine block. The second, well, is really out of any of our hands.

In retrospect, I compare with my experience with my Digital SLR camera system. In that situation, the team performing diagnostics and repair was unfamiliar to me, and neither was there comprehensive feedback on the status of repair. To cut a long story short, my cumulative disappointing experience on service and support has resulted in my discontinuation of any further purchase from that particular brand of DSLR (and lens). But that is a different story - only after 6 months were me and my gear finally reunited. I hope that in the case of my FD2, it does not take half a year before I hear the sweet sound of the humble I-VTEC motor again....

Thus on this note, for the official record, DAY 1 and counting....

My FD2 @ 40,000 km service

Last week, it was time to send my Honda Civic FD2 in for preventive maintenance after clocking in nearly 40,000 km in the span of 3 years. As usual, the excellent service and workmanship of Mr Lee and crew at the GS Tay Honda SC (Muar) made it worth the 1 hour drive over there.

Firstly, the key point - it cost me nearly RM1K, using fully synthetic engine oil from Honda. For those who like to get the the conclusion....

For the rest of you, note that this service took around 2+ hours. Besides the usual engine and oil filter swap, for this service, the brake oil and ATF (Automatic Transmission Fluid) were also replaced. Since this was a Honda SC, the replacements were all original Honda brand.

Also due for replacement was the fuel filter. This thing had the most perculiar location, just behind and under the rear seats, which made it necessary for the techs to remove the whole rear seat and move the boot lid (the piece under which lies the spare tire). For me, this was where my Blaupunkt active sub box was bolted on. Unfortunately, it was necessary for them to cut through the layer of soundproofing to access the fuel filter cover. They were hesitating to do so, and only after I came along and gave them the green light did they proceed with care!

Meanwhile, in the front, there was a squeaky sound which was traced to the auto belt tensioner. This was a spring-loaded device that took up the slack of the timing belt, so that it was tight enough to drive all the pulleys on that side of the engine (alternator, crank pulley, aircon, etc.).

However, even after the service, there was a persistent knocking sound coming from the engine at low revs (below 1,500 rpm) that meant that something was still wrong. In spite being as smooth as ever, with no "check engine light" coming on, no smoke or poor fuel consumption, I made an appointment with Mr Lee to send in my car for detailed inspection. Better not take the chance with a machine that brings you from 0 kph to illegal speeds and keeps you alive so you can blog about it later...! :)

Well, looks like I'll be using my spare car for the duration of the diagnostic. It would be interesting to know what was the cause of the problem, and get it fixed.

Any FD owners out there with similar experience? Maybe I'll try to look this up at 8GCC and the S'pore Honda Civic FD Club forums after this.

On a lesser note, I finally got my "plastic at the left triangle" fixed. This is a common problem for FD owners, where the piece of plastic on the left side of the dashboard (at the triangle shaped window) pops up, especially when after you park under the sun. This involved removing the entire panel and some discreet use of super glue (not to worry, they didn't leave any mess).

More updates after they figure out the problem and fix it, then!

LW Seminars - Leadership with Purpose

My kids finally asleep, now's a great opportunity to make a brief blog entry on my latest training seminar with Dr Lawrence Walter Ng - Leadership with Purpose.

Now, it was two years ago, specifically on 9th and 10th July 2007 that we first had the opportunity to meet up with Dr Lawrence, who was engaged by our company as part as a long term goal to transform our organization to the next level. I even got an autographed copy of his book on "Passion for Extraordinary Performance"!

Heh, heh. Actually, I've encountered him before, back in the days when I was just a school boy of around 14 or 15 years old (back when Dr Lawrence was just Lawrence). It was during a public course conducted by him to promote his A Star Student Program. Ah, who would have guessed, as fate would have it, for us to cross paths not once, but twice many years later. I have a strong feeling that this would not be the last time I met him.

Anyway, back to the present. Upon registration, Kelly, his assistant, handed me my copy of training material and briefed me on what to do next, that is, putting on name tags, writing name and initial on notes and file, and also a bit on "training fung sui" and "discussion fung sui" (which is basically the house rules for arrangement of table and chairs during the two key phases of the discussion).

We sorted ourselves out evenly between 5 tables, with roughly 5 people to a group. My first sitting partnered me with Steven Yan, Ai Ling, Jerry, Moey and Clement. In the last seminar, I was team leader of our team "Rebex" so this time I was happy to change to a supporting role. This was just a temporary group, as throughout the day, we would further change groups a total of 4 times. I guess that this was to simulate real-working environment where we'd get involved with different teams from time to time (the key was to learn to add value to each team all the same).

Dr Lawrence, right from the start, put on a energetic display of charisma that never gave the audiences' mind a chance to go astray. Full of confidence with a flawless delivery, with a real dedication to the seminar. Now as a Manager, I learned that we did our part in the preparation to provide Dr Lawrence with some personal details of our staff, so he could better identify with each individual on a personal level. And this he did and use throughout the course of the seminar, demonstrating a powerful memory and the ability to use the information at the right time. How else would a total stranger to the organization know about the fine details like Jackson's passion for his durian orchard, and my Six Sigma Black Belt qualification?

Well, throughout the seminar, we aimed to collect points in order to graduate by the end of day 2. Additionally, we had to ensure that the average points were above a minimum target as well, otherwise everyone would not graduate. The way averages worked, this means that no matter which group you were in, your contribution towards the entire class ultimately works to towards the success of the entire group (just like in real-life). The training material was new, though there was an exercise in the beginning to assemble a jigsaw of the motivational poster that we used in the first seminar (the yellow one). However, I can say all of the material here is new, so the new members who did not attend the first seminar would not feel left out, and the returning members would not feel bored from "more-of-the-same" syndrome.

We formulated our team "mission statements" and practiced team cheers, which made extensive use of hitting on the tabletop with our palms. This too, incidentally, was how we "applauded" our fellow team-mates as well as those from other groups. In general, we either applaud a successful effort with "GOT PASSION" cheer, or encourage a challenged team with cries for "MORE PASSION". This is a good exercise for team support.

We played a game, where everyone was required to cross over from one side of the room to the other. The only condition is that no one was allowed to walk the same way twice. So each one of us tried to be creative to hop, skip, spin, waltz, (and so on, I'm running out of verbs) to get across and earn points. I managed to moonwalk across (small tribute to Michael Jackson)...! :)

After morning break, I bid farewell to my team leaders Jerry and Ai Ling, and moved to a different table under the helm of Lye Yin and Thye (leaders were fixed, team members were mobile). I regrouped with Steven and Clement from the previous table, with a new member to the team (Mr Wee, our GM). Time to learn the new policy and team cheer. And of course, collect more points. It was with this team that we participated in the "break a pencil with your forefinger" challenge, which was easy once you knew the technique and had the correct mindset. Of course, you need to aim your strike, otherwise you would cause injury to your friend holding the pencil (as Steven and Lye Yin found out the hard way).

Throughout the seminar, Dr Lawrence made good use of video clips from various movies, like Patch Adams, Gladiator, Alexander, and Independence Day (those are some I could recognize). These served to illustrate demonstrations of good leadership skills (and also using a scene from Joe vs the Volcano to show an example of poor leadership. Where there is Yin, there is Yang, so you must always show both sides of the coin). Another example of good applications skills (knowing when to apply a certain technique is as equally important as knowing the technique itself).

In no time, it was time for our buffet lunch at the Sommerset Cafe on ground floor. We had a quick meal and proceeded back to our training venue on Level 7, for a chance to add value and earn more points for our team before the next "reorganization". Thanking Lye Yin and Thye for their guidance, we then changed tables once again. My next team was lead by Cheng KY and Elene, with Mr Wee coming along from the old table, and Ang CK as a new member to me. After the "orientation", we proceeded to play the "animal game" where each of us were assigned a different animal class. Well, I was going to be chicken for awhile....

The goal was to group with other members of the same species (after being double-blind folded, of course - you think it would be that easy in a Dr Lawrence seminar?). And this was to be done by making the corresponding animal sounds of course. So the chickens go "buck-buck", ducks go "quack-quack" (chinese duck apparently go "ak-ak"), cows go "moo-moo", cats go "meow-meow" and finally pigeons make a sound that goes some thing like "screw-screw" (try to keep a clean mind here). Obviously, with no pre-determined leader, and everyone making their own animal sounds, the result was utter chaos that would probably drive Old McDonald to the lunatic asylum in the long run. To make matters worse, some of my chicken group was confused by the actual chicken call required. To me chicken = "buck-buck" but to KS Ng, chicken = "cock-a-doodle-doo" (Rooster?). Ah well, if you can't beat them, join them, as long as this helps towards the team goal (I hope this doesn't break any rules). 2nd round, same game, we thought we got our strategies all figured out, but there some unseen forces trying to pull us out of whack (Chinese 7th month is over, so it must be the Seminar assistants). This goes to show that your team will always face challenges to pull you apart. Luckily, we have KS as the chicken leader to hug everyone closer to keep us from breaking apart.

Next lesson was on the 4 patterns of an individual - the King, Warrior, Magician and Lover. My initial impression (and misconception) is that every one was classified into either one of the four. I thought I was a pure warrior (judging on how Dr Lawrence described the car and tabletop of a typical warrior personality). However, we played a game where each of us went around and ticked on each others workbooks, on our impression of that person. Thus, we found out, at least in that group, what was the general opinion and impression about ourselves. I discovered that I was ~49% Magician, 26% Lover and 25% Warrior (0% King....). With this in mind, we all made our own commitments on where to improve. The secret is to be ALL FOUR at the appropriate time and situation, as demonstrated in a short video clip from the movie Alexander (starring Colin Farrell). This is what was known as the X-factor.

The last change of table for the day brought me to the table of CC Tan and KT Kong, where I was reunited with Steven from my first and second table. New member was NK Goh. This was a nice table - their team cheer only required us to hit the table 6 times.... :) Rack up more points. I got a chance to get involved by getting up on stage and speaking like either one of the 4 patterns, and changing on the fly at the cue from Dr Lawrence. Hah, something like changing channels on Astro, but I managed to adjust my speech accordingly (still need lots and lots more practice though).

We then also explored the topic of breakdowns in communication, which sometimes were unintentionally caused by our own accidental actions. After a voting session by our peers, I found out my biggest points were for "moody face", "silence" and "being to general". I totally agree with them.

Before we went home, Dr Lawrence conducted a quieter session for us to get in touch with one another. With appropriately selected soft background music, we told our partners what we liked about them, and apologized for any accidental wrongdoings in the past. Extended further to members of our family, in a moment of silent emotional decision....

Well, that was it for day 1. We all had our "homework assignments" to collect more points, which included adding value to someone we knew via SMS, phone call or face-to-face, highlighting key points in our notes, and making a write up (updating my blog is not the only reason I'm writing this, you know....).

Day two begins in less than an hour. Time to get changed and ready, and get ready for change!

Anyway, do check out more on Dr Lawrence's seminars at : http://www.lwseminars.com and his blog on http://drlawrencewalterng.blogspot.com.

Hari Raya at Zufri's house

A couple of days ago, Zufri hosted a small lunch at his (parent's) house, in conjunction with the 2009 Hari Raya celebrations. We're still within one month of Hari Raya, so "open house" is still applicable.


It was a smaller group this year, with me joining a few office colleagues (and one ex-colleague, Fazilah). Visits to Zufri's house was actually a yearly affair for me, though this was the first time we sat down and ate indoors. The interior of the house was larger than I expected - couldn't really tell from looking at the front, as it was rather longish than wide, and extended all the way to the back.


The food was prepare by Zufri, with minor assistance from his mother, so goes the "official story", so let's just go along with it.... :)
Due to my lack of recognition skills when it comes to food, I can only say there was mee, mee hoon with kuah laksa and some others, beside the assortment of cookies, both self-made and ordered. It was good and tasty, though, even if I really didn't know the name of what I was eating....

After we've had our fill, we hung around a while and checked out a couple of cats that were the house. I don't think that they actually belonged to Zufri, but nonetheless the cats were cared for and fed by the family.


After a couple of cuddles and poses for photos, we thanked Zufri and family for being a wonderful host and headed back to office (it was a working day, after all).